I'd give all I have honey, if you could stay like this.

  In roughly 10 minutes the first real love of my life is going to turn 5. I'm sitting here fighting tears and just thinking to myself about how fast the past half a decade has slipped away from me. In the midst of moving from one country to the next, getting married, having another baby and starting a few new business ventures... my little Lily has turned into my BIG 5 year old kindergarten Lily. She's been anxiously, but PATIENTLY counting down the days until her big day (with the help of a chalk board countdown of course) and I'm so excited to see her come out of that room tomorrow with that precious little grin on her face, because she knows that it is THE day, it's HER day and let me tell you know, it's going to be one hell of a day too. 

  I honest to god cannot imagine where my life would have lead me had Lily not graced my uterus with her ALWAYS active presence. I remember her tiny (and not so tiny) kicks like it was yesterday. I remember when she was awake and I wanted her to sleep, I'd play her music through headphones and she'd always calm down immediately. I remember it dawning on me that her name was Lily as I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and how I just KNEW she was a Lily. I remember the extra week and a half that she decided to stay in my belly, because lord knows that if she came out on time, that just wouldn't be her style. I remember shaking in the hospital bed and thinking, "Holy shit... am I ready for this?" and then quickly telling myself that it didn't matter any more, she was coming. I remember looking into that sweet face and just knowing that my heart could never be as full as it was the first time I saw her. I remember her first shots and how my mom had to go in with her, because I just couldn't handle it. I remember all of it and I'm not longer fighting tears, because there are so many moments I wish I could get back with her. 

  This crazy world is moving so fast and before I know it she's going to be off to college and in the blink of an eye she'll be married with babies of her own. The only thing that I can really hope for her is that when she decides to have children, they show her the meaning of life the same way she did with me. Every day I try and be a better person, but not for me. Every thing I do is for those tiny little humans that I call my daughters. I do everything in my power to make sure they know that before everything else in my life, they will ALWAYS be number 1. They make me a better person and a sobbing mess without even meaning to or knowing it. 

  Sorry this was so short, I just needed to share that Lily is growing up and I'm not handling it so well. Time to go put streamers all over her door and fill her room with balloons....

g'night, y'all!! 

-Amanda

I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.