Wordless Wednesday

He's home! He's home! My absolutely perfect (and 20 lbs. lighter) Airman is finally home!!

  

Lily and Emory and all the fun they've been having!

 -Amanda <3

p.s.
I promise to ACTUALLY blog soon, but with all the excitement lately (and killing myself in the gym.. not so exciting) I haven't had time. But soon blogger world, very soon. <3

Finally Friday!

Oh hey y'all!! Technically speaking, it's Thursday night, but since I won't post this until tomorrow.....

IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!!

and I couldn't be more thankful for the weekend. The past few weeks that I've been away from you have actually been amazing. We found out Bryce WONT be extended (can I get a freaking HELL TO THE YEAH!?!... Thanks!) and he will be home VERY soon... like... single digits soon! It's possible that by this time next week I'll have my best friend in the whole universe home and let's just say there won't be much time for internet escapades ;) I can't believe that I'm this close to the end, that it's RIGHT there in front of me and I can see it, I can see that bright beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. As much as I love love love love that light, that shit needs to hold it's horses, because I need to get this house back in tip top Amanda crazy clean shape before Bryce walks in and questions whether he's walked into an alternate Narnia universe or if this is really his pig sty of a house.

OW OW!

   Over these 6 months I've really learned a lot about life, about marriage, about being a single parent and just about who I am. I remember saying a few blogs ago, how proud I was to just be doing this and doing it well and let me tell y'all something, I'm STILL proud... no... I'm not proud, I'm a fucking rock star! Granted, there's no way I would have gotten through this without my support system. I've come to find that I have the absolutely most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. They're there when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm borderline certifiable and that means more to me than anything. Hell, my best friend flew in on a whim, just because she missed me and wanted to be with me... I think that makes me the luckiest best friend ever. I for sure couldn't have done this had I not been blessed with the most well behaved children in the history of the world. I don't know what I did right in life to deserve those girls, but I'm glad I did. It's funny to hear people say how hard it must have been to be surviving deployment with two kids in tow, but the thing is that without them, this would have been 100 times harder. I ALWAYS had two little somebody's to hug when I just needed a hug or to tell me they love me, when that was all I needed. That's the best feeling in the world, being their mom is the best feeling in the world. 

  Deployment ain't nothing but a thang, not for me anyways. So as it comes to an end, even though I hated it pretty much the entire time, I'm really thankful for it. It showed me that I'm one tough lady and you know what they (yes... I'm referencing THEY again, but seriously, WHO ARE THEY!?!) say, "Tough times don't last, tough people do." I kicked deployment's ass and that's something I'm pretty proud of. 

  Aside from the deployment updates, not a whole lot has been going on. Lily Pops started ballet and I'm not sure I've ever seen a cuter ballerina in my entire life! 

so sassy.

She loves it, her lack of coordination isn't such a huge fan though. We're gonna sign her up for soccer once Bryce is back, because we aren't sure which YMCA we're going to go through this time. Unfortunately the Y that we use now is closing (this is the worst news ever when your daily schedule revolves around them 2 hours a day.) so now we have to find a new one. There are a lot of options for us, but most likely I'll wind up at going to either Planet Fitness or LA fitness since they have child care. .... wow, that Lily update took a turn really fast. She had an especially hard time with Bryce being gone, SO we want to surprise her with him when he gets home. He should be home around Easter, so wanna know our super cute surprise for her? Of course you do! Why else would you still be reading if you didn't? We're gonna put him in a box with the bottom cut out and wrap it in pretty paper and tell her the "Easter Bunny" brought her and sissy a present and it's going to be Bryce!!! How freaking perfect is that!?! It's so perfect, that's how perfect it is! She is probably going to cry, because she's a hot baby mess with her knight in daddy armor gone. Thankfully, it won't be for much longer. 

  Emmy's turn! We had a cardiologist check up the other day, because my mini hadn't put on any weight since her 15 month check up and her regular doctor was pretty concerned. The thing is, she's in the 85% for her height and just not a heavy little girl. At first they were concerned, because a side effect of her murmur is slow weight gain and as I'm sure you remember is considered "failure to thrive." At first I was admittedly really scared by this, but then I remembered who and how Emory is. She doesn't get junk food like most kids, she doesn't even like juice. My kids DON'T get candy, soda, sweets, cookies, etc. like most other kids their age now days and yes a lot of it is because I want them to make health conscience and smart eating decisions later in life, but a lot of it is because my kids don't like that stuff. When it comes time for dessert, they'd rather have strawberries and apples with a little honey than a sugar filled cupcake. Emory goes through two whole things of bananas in about three days time and two cartons of cherry tomatoes in week. So that kind of eased my mind and I just made an effort to make sure they's eating 5 small meals a day and two snacks instead of three HUGE meals. At her check up her amazing doctor said that everything looks fantastic and though the left side of her heart is a bit larger than the right, it's nothing to panic over. For now, surgery is off the table and that is the biggest weight off of my shoulders. He really prided me in my parenting choices and said he's never seen a 19 month old lay as still as she did not only for her EKG, but for the ultrasound of her heart. That little pat on the back from him, really went a long way. 

I can't get enough of her ever haha

  Other than her heart being amazing, she's just my silly little Emory. She's talking up a storm and saying at least one new word a day. She loves her play time with her big sissy and as of lately her absolute favorite thing to do is to pretend to be a cat. She will literally crawl all over the floor meowing at us and then cracking up at herself, because she thinks she is just SO funny. She comes by that self hilarity honestly, she is her mother's hilarious daughter and we all know I'm hilarious :p 

  I guess I'm my turn to update about me... since... I KIND OF have a life outside of my children, sometimes... when they're asleep... let's be honest, I don't really have a life outside of them, but I pretend I do. ANYWAYS! Life is life with me. I've been pretty much killing myself in the gym for the past two months and I love every second of it. It's become more of a routine than something that I feel like I need to do. Uhh... OH!!! Are you ready!? I taught myself how to sew and how to crochet, no big deal, but that's kind of a big deal. I've mainly been making pillow case dresses and small things like that, but that was all I really wanted a sewing machine for anyways, so it worked out in the end.

cute much!? Yeah, I know.

 I've honestly just been spending a lot of time with the girls and with my friends trying to stay busy and occupied. A part of me wants to go back to work, but another part of me doesn't want to give up the time that I have with my girls for anything. We do really well money wise every month, so there's not really a need for me to work and these are crucial years that I'm never going to get back, so I just can't bring myself to sacrifice the quality time that I get daily with the girls for something that I don't have to do, especially since Bryce supports me in that decision 110%. I have been toying with the idea of going back to school though, I was supposed to do so like a year ago, but I couldn't bring myself to half heartily commit to something, I'm a firm believer in doing everything to the best of my ability or not doing it at all. I'm looking at going to be a home economics teacher, because I'm not sure that there is a more perfect job for me. I'm Martha freaking stewart on my own, so why not pass that on? You feel me? Of course you do. I'm sitting here racking my brain for things to tell about me, but I seriously am having a hard time, because... all I do is sew and craft and read and talk to bryce and hang out with the girls hahaha Oh #awesomemomproblems. 

  Alright, this is WAY longer than I thought it was going to be and I finished it before Friday, so NOW I'm going to spend the next 9 minutes waiting patiently for it to turn midnight so that I can hit publish. Man, I am so awesome... obviously. OH WAIT! I really did forget to tell you something! Guess who gets TWO FREAKING WEEKS ALONE WITH THEIR HUSBAND IN MAY-JUNE!?!?! I do. That's who! My mom is pretty much the best mom ever and is taking my ladies to nanny's house of fun (in ground natural water pool and beach included) for two weeks. I'm going to miss them more than words, but I think after 6 months alone with them and no time alone with Bryce, I deserve it. Grated in the middle of said vacation, I'm running a 5K, but it's going to be awesome. I've already started to plan little getaways for us and I think I'm gonna try and throw some surprises Bryce's way too. I seriously cannot wait for it! Once our two week are up I'm flying down to P-Cola so see my family and we're gonna be there for about two weeks and then we'll make our way back to glorious Ohio. It really is going to be really awesome though and I can tell Bryce is getting really pumped about it too. The girls are going to have a blast and a half with my family. I already know my parents are going to managed to send them back more spoiled than those two already are if that's even possible. Pee Paw has a serious, "I can't say, "NO!" to Lily... like... ever!" problem, so I'm sure his bank account won't like him much once those two weeks are up and I can't imagine that Emory is going to make that any easier for him. 

  Seriously though, now I'm done. Stop making me tell you things, I know I'm awesome but SOME OF US have 6 miles to kill in the gym tomorrow and need to go to bed. Goodnight blogger world. I hope your month/weeks/days have been as blessed as mine have been lately.

See you soon.

-Amanda <3

p.s. 

It's 12:05 am. Holler at me Friday.

Motivational Monday

  I've decided that I need to be more proactive when it comes to this thing that I call a blog. Not very many people read my blog, but apparently those that do, really enjoy it. To make things a little easier on me, I'm going to start doing day related themes. Seeing as, yet again, it's Monday, I'll start here. Today is being deemed, "Motivational Monday!" *cue confetti cannons!* I know every so often we all have days where we need a little push. A push to get us up and moving or a push to just help us through the day. Whatever that push may be, I want to help be that motivation, because let's face it... if anyone needs a kick in the ass 90% of the time... it's me.
  Today I need the motivation to just be the bigger person and brush it off. I tend to have a hard time with this lately. With B. being gone, it seems like I'm always on edge. The second somebody does something to me that I'd never do to them in return, I automatically go into "Amazon woman eat their heart on a silver platter" mode. I need to not do that. I need the will power and understanding to say, "Amanda, not every body is you. Not every body values their friends the way you do. Bring it down. They will learn." I need to step back and see that people are human and they do make mistakes, but I also wonder where the line of "mistake" is exactly drawn at? Either way. My motivation for the day comes from a simple saying, "The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget, is the happiest."
  I want to be that happy. I want to be able to just let it go. Let it be. Let it float away and away from me, because ain't nobody got time for that! I'm too entirely blessed with so much more happiness than I am burdened with such petty high school drama that unfortunately surrounds me and even more unfortunately, always will. Maybe it's me, maybe I have a sign somewhere that begs to be followed with nonsense, but that's fine. Today I am certain that I will rise about it all and over come and see a better tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I won't be as confident, but I'm going to write this Motivational Monday down as a win.

Wordless Wednesday

C. Bitchler

Ash Ketchum
(Also, this was my New Years kiss this year)

She's "Allgood"
(this also happened to be new years, but 3 years ago haha)

Every storm runs out of rain

People that I do need and that need me too.

Wordless Wednesday

Before my workout (super cute obvi) My NEWEST Cricut creation (how friendly is my freaking door!?)
The best Pandora station there is (2000's Hip Hop... get it right get it tight) and
 Me after I got it right and got it...tight-ish.

Tonight.

  Tonight I miss you and I can't shake it. Most nights I can. I can tell myself that the day has passed and it's one day closer to you or that we're almost half way to being together again. Not tonight, no... not tonight. Tonight I can't help but miss your smile. Your smile that infects my entire being. Your smile that, even after almost 4 years of seeing it, still gives me that fluttery "I can't believe he's mine" feeling. Tonight I miss your hands. Your hands that can change my entire mood with a single brush of my skin. Your hands that hold mine and make me feel at ease. Tonight I miss your laugh. Your laugh that fills our entire house with happiness. Your laugh that usually comes at awful awkward times, but still manages to make me laugh as well. Tonight I miss your voice. Your voice that soothes me and calms me even when I'm at my worst. Tonight I miss you being here. I miss your hug and your touch and your kiss and just the energy you bring into my life. Tonight I miss every single thing that I love most about you, because sometimes, Skype just isn't enough. Sometimes, you just need to feel it and really feel it to feel okay. Tonight is not a good night. It's a bad one. Tonight is the kind of night that all military wives have every once in a while and that's okay. It's okay to have nights like tonight, because it's nights like tonight, when I miss you so much it hurts, that remind me why I fell in love with you in the first place. It's these little quirks and traits of yours that make waiting for you so hard and yet so worth it at the same time. 

How lucky I am to have somebody to miss so much. 

I was bred for this....wasn't I?

  It's funny how a saying can take on a whole new meaning, once it means something to you. "You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option." As of lately I've discovered that I'm goddamn Super Woman.  Since Bryce has left, I'm starting to realize and appreciate everything that he does with and for me, but more than anything I'm gaining a new appreciation for what I do every single day. It amuses me how frazzled I get during the day, because at one point in time I was THAT wife that watched other husbands leave and thought to myself and some times openly on Facebook, "Man, I wish that bitch would suck it up and stop whining, she knew what she was getting in to." False. F A L S E! You have no idea what you're in for with a deployment, until you're going through one, add kids to the mix and it's borderline hell. Add 2+ kids that aren't yours 6 days a week and I'm pretty sure people will start classifying you as a bat shit crazy lady. That's where I'm at now. Yes, he only left last week. YES, I am still adjusting. YES, I know I do my fair share of complaining about how hard it is, but it's mainly because for whatever reason, I expect more of myself.

As the title suggests, I feel like I was almost bred for this. All I've known my entire life is the military. This IS my normal. I get a lot of, "Oh well your dad is a Marine (OOH RAH!) (almost 20 years) (something else I want to include that's relevant) You're used to this right?" No. No, I'm not. Wanna know why? Of course you do. In the almost 20 years that my dad has been enlisted, he's never deployed. That's pretty much unheard of, but that's my dad for you. I went into this marriage with the delusional pretense that I would be just as lucky as my mom was. What I obviously over looked is I might as well have been born on Friday the 13th, under a ladder, while a black cat walked in front of my mother's vagina and I shatter a mirror or 12 on the way out. What I'm getting at is, I'm not used to this, BUT I am GETTING used to it. It's all a matter or getting in the swing of just being you again and while I miss Bryce very much and the first two days were very hard, I'm pretty proud of myself so far. I can only imagine how awesome I'm going to feel about 6 months down the road. I just wish I'd let myself just take all of this in and not feel bad for being generally sad about the whole thing. I find myself being really hard on me and saying, "Are you seriously STILL crying about this? It's been a week... get over it!!" Needless to say, I have some seriously talking that I need to do with me, because that bitch, is not being nice. She's being kind of a bully and NOBODY LIKE A BULLY AMANDA! Sheesh.

 So far I've just a mile long list of things/goals I'd like to accomplish while he's off saving Africa from Kony (no he's not really doing that, but I find it amusing... deal with it). I'm planning on making a game out of saving as much money as I can to help fund our Disneyland/Wizarding World of Harry Potter trip for when he's home. Not to mention we're still very much planning on hitting up Mexico too. OW OW! I'd also like to lose like.... 15 poundsish, because who doesn't want to give their husband a super model to come home to!? Other than those, really it's just fixing little things around the house and finding things to keep myself as busy as humanly possible so that at the end of the day I have no time to dwell on him not being here and I can just pass out. Right now being consumed in bow making it helping, you wouldn't believe the amount of bows I've had to make every night! When they say (who the hell are "THEY" exactly and how do they know all this stuff?) there's no business like bow business, they were right!!! I'm also working on some pretty freaking bitchin' deployment blocks to help Lily Pops count down, once I finish those bad boys, you can bet your sweet blog reading asses I'll having a million pictures up. THEN on top of all of that, I only have one spot left open in my daycare. Talk about freaking busy! How anyone wants any more than two kids is beyond me. Those of you with more, you have me convinced you're either a saint or a nut. . . or a nutty saint?I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with that one haha.

  I will say that I'm overwhelmed with the amount of support and love and kind words that have came my way since Bryce left and even before. I really am so lucky to live in a community of such supportive and genuine military wives that want nothing more that to let me know that no matter what I need, even if it's just to cry, they're there to listen and to help and to offer me words of encouragement and advice. It's amazing. That doesn't even include everyone that isn't affiliated with the military that has offered to help and just be there. I think I cried more from being so happy to see how awesome my support system is, than I did when Bryce left. My heart is feeling super happy because of it and it's a feeling that is so welcomed in my life at this point in time.
  Well that's all for this time y'all! We're going to the pumpkin patch soon, so be ready for that! Not to mention, since it's fall and all, I s'pose it's time to make ANOTHER fall bucket list! Thanks for reading and thank you to everyone that has supported me through everything that has went on this past year, you cannot begin to imagine how important to me your kind words and well wishes really are, I don't and never will take them for granted. You're awesome.

-Amanda

Words of truth.